This isn't a drill: you're alive! For now.

I'm sure you've been there: it's random Thursday night — usually while you’re brushing your teeth, scrolling TikTok, or waiting for the kettle to boil — where it hits you. "Oh.I’m going to die."

Not today (probably), not dramatically (hopefully), but one day. Just... gone. A weirdly quiet ending to this overthinking, over-planning, over-caffeinated little life.

Now before you click away to watch cat videos, hang on, bear with me.

This isn’t a cry into the void. It’s a reminder. Because lately, it keeps coming back. The older I get, the more I lose people around me — close friends and family, friends of friends, uncles, someone’s dad, a neighbour I hadn’t seen in a while. And every time, it does something to me. It zooms out the whole picture. Suddenly, my to-do list feels... stupid.

What’s weird is that everyone who’s been through loss says the exact same thing:

“Enjoy life. It’s short.”And you nod, and you agree. But then traffic happens. Emails pile up. You forget. Until the next funeral.

The lie we bought

Somewhere along the way, most of us signed up for this invisible subscription called The Dream:

House. Career. Nice car. Wealth. Dream vacations. Some rooftop Aperols. A dog or alpaca. Early retirement. Congratulations, you’ve completed capitalism. And yet, not many people in hospital beds talk about their car or Rolex watch. They just want to get out of there.

And then something breaks — inside or outside — and you realise: none of that matters if you’re not living, or in good health. Like, really living. Creating moments with people. Real connection and memories. That one time you danced in the kitchen to a song you forgot you loved. That coffee that turned into a three-hour talk. The road trip that made no sense but felt like freedom.

It took me a while to get there. I used to think happiness lived somewhere in the future — after the next goal, next relationship, next big move.Now I’m more like:

“Did I laugh today? Did I show up for someone? Did I feel something real?”

Because that’s it. That’s the game. The points don’t carry over. In my opinion, of course.

Chips, not charts

I've become way less materialistic over the years. I used to chase things: the right watch, the dream car, the idea of success. Now? I’m chasing feelings. Ease. Presence. That warm human moment where you go, “Oh yeah, this is it.” Happiness from those moments where I think "I'm glad I took time for this".

Would I still like a cool apartment with a view and a decent sound system? Of course. I’m not a monk.But I’m not trading my soul for it. I’ve seen what real cost is.

Life — the real life, not the Instagram version — is messy, painful, weird, hilarious, and gone before you know it.And once you know that, like really know that...You start choosing differently. Not perfectly, but differently.

So, what now?

There’s no punchline here. No “Top 5 Things to Be Happy Before You Die”.Just this:

Call that person.Say yes to that spontaneous thing.Take the long route.Forgive quicker.Laugh louder.Eat the damn chips without feeling guilty.

A trick I've learned to go with your gut: flip a coin when you think "should I do this?" and the split second that coin is in the air, and the thing where you think "I hope it's this!" - that's what you should go for.

You’re not here to win.You’re here to feel. Life is not a competition :)

And if you needed a reminder... this might be it.